We never got to see Lexa’s closest relationships: taken from her
parents as a toddler, raised by the Flamekeepers, namely Titus, along
with several other Nightbloods we never knew (aside from Luna).  Lexa’s life was bookended by those who would use her for their own ends, but Lexa proved quietly defiant and could not be broken by their will. Instead, her very nature was questioned and and embraced in spite of itself by someone who shared so many qualities as to be twin-like. A soulmate. 

Who
were the other Nightbloods? Did Lexa have a sibling (like Luna)? Was
she close to any of the others? Luna’s talk with Clarke gave us no
suggestion as to the status of her relationship with Lexa before she
became Commander. We did learn how brutal their lives could be, and what
they were ultimately subjected to in the conclave system. Very little
of it made sense, to the point of it being almost surreal (which, given
our own times, might not have been so unrealistic), so it’s easy to see
Lexa as a lonely figure growing up in a privileged but fragile
environment where only one can be left standing.

We never saw her relationship with Anya, though we saw the impression she made. Anya was stoic, ruthless, pragmatic. She was our introduction to Lexa before we ever met her, but what were they like together? Anya, not much older than Lexa herself, would have helped trained Lexa in combat and tactical thinking. She would have subjected Lexa to hardship and even humiliation in training her, to ‘toughen her up’ as it were. Some have speculated her as a mother figure to Lexa. If Lexa was her second before she became Commander, it’s possible Anya knew the other Nightbloods and would have had to have treated them similarly. If Nightbloods are raised to die, or become Leader, no one would be encouraged to be close to them, to be friends with them, much less family. Anya would have kept an emotional distance, knowing her time with Lexa might be very short. Anya was a practical warrior, not an emotional one. She could care for her people, but she might have held Lexa at arm’s length, also for very practical reasons. Lexa might have admired Anya and, no doubt, mimicked her as a warrior, but did she have feelings for Anya? Lexa appeared to show some vulnerability on this point when Clarke presented her with Anya’s braid – but Lexa never brings up Anya again. She moves on.

We never saw
her relationship with Costia. Who was she? There is speculation she was
one of the Commander’s handmaidens or maybe a soldier, a guard or
someone who worked some menial job in the tower. We know Lexa cared for
her – ‘She was mine’ – though we know little else of her feelings beyond the
outrage of her murder. Was Lexa incensed because something of her ‘hers’ was taken, or did she really love this girl as she implies to
Clarke? This was a relationship not to be, as Lexa was raised to believe ‘love is weakness’ and ‘to be Commander is to be alone.’ Who was
responsible for Costia falling into Azgeda hands? It’s easy to speculate
that, perhaps, Titus might have betrayed the girl in order to get what
he wanted from Lexa: the Commander herself.

We saw, briefly, her relationship with Gustus, her closest advisor until we met Titus, and both these men mirror one another in their point of view: Lexa is important to both of them ‘You are the coalition,’ Gustus tells her, ‘You are special, Heda,’ Titus tells her, later. These seemingly protective father figures are also the most critical of Lexa, both convinced an alliance with Skaikru will kill Lexa or worse, fracture their world. She listens to both Gustus and Titus with detachment and, sometimes, visible impatience. She doesn’t like being questioned. It is Kane, a stranger, who points out Lexa is a ‘visionary’ who sees a bigger picture than probably anyone around them. Neither Titus or Gustus see this ‘bigger picture’ and it is the great tragedy that none of these Grounders lives to see its potential, that they worked so hard against it.  Gustus and Titus are, in each their own way, men of war who would have had Lexa wipe out Skaikru for the very real (and historic) threat they posed, and not without justification, but for Lexa’s hidden dimension: she saw a bigger picture and she saw it through her soul’s twin, Clarke. 

In her
relationship with Clarke, we saw Lexa soften, become hyper focused on
Clarke’s well-being and state of mind. She knew Clarke would suffer for
killing Finn and wanted her to get through it as quickly and painlessly
as possible. Don’t love, she implies to Clarke. Don’t do that to
yourself. You’re a leader. Do not suffer. Detach, become what your
people need you to be.

If we imagine for a moment that Lexa,
underneath her warpaint and armour is just an exhausted and frightened
young woman, clever and proud and strong, yes, but also bending a little
with the weight on her shoulders, we can see her plea to Clarke to ‘be
the leader her people can look to, put their hopes and dreams into’ as a
personal need for Clarke to lead her, as well. ‘Be my hope, stand with me, we will make the world over and it will be a wonderful thing.’  But Lexa is surrounded on all sides by immovable objects: her culture, Skaikru’s, Mt. Weather, Azgeda. 

As
a child on the Ark, Clarke also grew up in a privileged but fragile
environment where any minor infraction (for an adult) could mean death.
It made little sense, it must have been surreal at times. In a sense,
the 100 being sent to Earth was a kind of conclave, too. Who would be
left standing at the end? It’s hard not to see Clarke as the ultimate ‘victor,’ surely the way Lexa saw her ‘I told you my spirit would choose wisely.’

 It is Lexa’s faith in Clarke that becomes the unstoppable force that takes on her own way of life, head-on, and will not compromise. ‘We must love one another or die’ might be Lexa’s unspoken mantra. Offering her life and loyalty to Clarke, Lexa, reminding Clarke she is ‘born for this,’ makes herself Clarke’s subject (in Hakeldama, Lexa angrily tells Indra how Titus is her subject ‘they are all my subjects’ – it is a petulant moment of self-hate. As Clarke’s self-imposed subject, Lexa is reflecting her own failures – at Mt. Weather and, now, with the massacre) Clarke is the leader Lexa looks to, has put her hopes and dreams into. She cannot insult Clarke further by putting this into any other words than she did, on her knees, in total supplication: ‘I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom Skaikru, I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people.’ 

Did Lexa swear an oath to Costia? Did she bow to Anya? She killed Gustus for his betrayal, setting up the conditions for her own (and the punishment that should have awaited her, by her people’s law), she berated Titus for his one-sidedness. In the other Nightbloods, she lived with and lost what should have been close comrades. It is hard to not feel her anger at all those losses when she shouts at Titus for not believing in her ‘I am more than capable of separating feelings from duty.’  It is not just of Costia’s death she speaks, but of all of them she has suffered at that point. Killing the other Nightbloods. Losing Anya. Killing Gustus, walking away from Mt. Weather.  Countless others we may never know about. And yet, the worst: the damage done to the one person she looked to as a great hope – Clarke.

Has anyone ever stood up to Lexa the way Clarke did, just days after first meeting her? Did anyone move Lexa to such immediate protectiveness as Clarke did? They hardly knew one another, but Lexa was already prepared to kill to save Clarke (bye, Quint) and would rather Clarke have run and save herself from the pauna than try to save her. It is after this moment we learn how little Lexa regards her own life, a confession Clarke mistakes as a belief in reincarnation. Lexa smiles at Clarke not in flattery that Clarke would save her because she is better than her generals, but because Clarke doesn’t understand, there is a secret only Lexa really knows. Lexa was raised to die with the promise of living on in the Flame. But even Lexa could not know what that meant until it happened. 

If Lexa had lived, it is more than possible she would have changed her people’s way of life far beyond ‘blood must not have blood.’  She likely would have ended the conclave system, likely would have shared the secret of the Flame with Clarke (shared everything, no doubt).  It is possible her entire government would have changed to something more democratic, not relying on rare Nightbloods to supply a small pool of potential autocratic leaders. Clarke would most certainly have done her utmost to end such a terrible system, having grown up in one herself. 

Clarke is now all that is left of Lexa, forever incomplete without her, robbed of the Flame, Lexa’s half of their soul, that should have been hers, and all that Lexa wanted to accomplish, so much ash and dirt. 

In Madi, though, Clarke seems to have found a piece of Lexa again, a reminder of what she was, and has not failed her so far.  In Madi, there is a reflection of the young, ill-fated Nightbloods that Lexa was a mother-figure to, and, so, through Clarke, Lexa lives. 

Lexa Appreciation Week, day 3 – favourite relationship