growing up autistic / growing up gaslit

theoriginalmkp:

I.

this is the first lesson you learn:
you are always wrong.

there is no electric hum buzzing through the air.
there is no stinging bite to the sweetness of the mango.
there is no bitter metallic tang to the water.

there is no cruelty in their laughter, no ambiguity in the instructions, no reason to be upset.
there is no bitter aftertaste to your sweet tea, nothing scratchy about your blanket.

the lamps glow steadily. they do not falter.

II.

this is the second lesson you learn:
you are never right.

you are childish, gullible, overly prone to tears.
you are pedantic, combative, deliberately obtuse.
you are lazy, unreliable, never on time.

you’re always making up excuses, rudely interrupting, stepping on people’s shoes.
you’re always trying to get attention, never thinking about anyone else, selfish through and through.

it’s you that’s the problem. the lamps are fine.

III.

this is the third lesson you learn:
you must always give in.

mother knows best. father knows best.
doctor knows best. teacher knows best.
this is the proper path. do not go astray.

listen to your elders, respect your betters, accept what’s given to you as your due.
bow to the wisdom of experience, the education of the professional, the clarity of an external point of view.

what do you know about lamps, anyway?

Painful and accurate, even long since grown up.

Neurotypical: *touches autistic person despite being told not to* *makes loud noise near autistic person with obvious sensory issues* *generally ignores boundaries and limits of autistic person*
Neurotypical: you cant expect everyone to remember that :)))besides the world doesn’t revolve around you, people aren’t going to change just for you
Autistic person: *forgets tiny social rule*
Neurotypical: when will you learn!! you have to do it like this!! omg thats how we do this!! it is absolutely essential that you do this no matter how exhausting or discomforting it is for you!!!

10 Traits of Mentally Strong People

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. They are able to stay calm, and maintain self-control.

2. They have clear boundaries between themselves and other people.

3. They respect their own and others’ boundaries.

4. They don’t become defensive, or feel completely crushed, when someone is critical of them or their work.

5. Where appropriate … they are able to take their fair share of the blame, and are quick to apologize when they are in the wrong.

6. They are flexible, and willing to adapt or change.

7. They know their limitations, and are happy to be helped.

8. They forgive themselves willingly – and then move on with life.

9. They don’t bear grudges, or play games with people’s feelings.

10. They are responsible, persistent, and are people of their word.

If you are neurodivergent, disabled, abused, suffer from mental illness, deal with minority culture displacement or live within different societal norms – please ignore.

Not everyone can fit the ableist criteria of ‘strong.’

We define strong for ourselves.

8 Things Autistic People Want You To Know

autisticliving:

autisticliving:

1. Autism is a fundamental part of who we are and how we experience the world and it cannot be separated from who we are as people. Autism is not something which is clearly separated from our identities and our personalities – it’s something which affects every aspect of how we think about, experience and interact with the world around us. Autism isn’t something we have or something we’re suffering from, it’s something we are. For the vast majority of autistic people, autism is a part of our identity which means that despite common belief most of us prefer to be called “autistic” as opposed to “people with autism.”

Do not tell us that we only have value if we can separate our identities and our personalities from autism.

2. The vast majority of autistic people do not want a cure, we want acceptance and accommodations. Do not put your time and money into researching how to cure autism and how to prevent it, put time and money into accommodating and accepting autistic people. We do not wish to become neurotypical, we wish to change society so that we can be accommodated, accepted and included as autistic people. Our goal isn’t to become as close to neurotypical as possible, it is to get the opportunity to live happy, fulfilling lives as autistic people. It is society that needs to chance, not us.

3. We do not support Autism Speaks or their campaign #LightItUpBlue and neither should you. If you want to support autistic people, check out ASAN or Autism Women’s Network instead. If you don’t know why autistic people don’t support Autism Speaks, check out the many resources linked in this post.

4. Functioning labels are at best inaccurate and at worst actively harmful.

Functioning labels (claiming that some autistic people are “high-functioning” while others are “low-functioning”) do more harm than good, not just because they aren’t able to give you an accurate impression of what supports an individual autistic person needs but because they’re mainly used to either silence or invalidate autistic people. Autistic people who speak up about the issues concerning them are labelled “high-functioning” to invalidate what they have to say as being inaccurate and irrelevant for other autistic people and so-called “low-functioning” autistic people are being silenced and spoken over because they are written off as too ‘low-functioning’ to have nuanced, relevant opinions or even communicate at all. Instead of forcing autistic people into one of two boxes, name the specific issues or strengths that you are referring to when you’re calling them low-functioning or high-functioning. Are they non-verbal? Say that instead of calling them low-functioning. Are they able to manage a job? Say that instead of calling them high-functioning.

5. Non-verbal autistic people can and do learn to communicate using other communication forms than verbal speech and they’re all individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, wants and opinions. You do not get to speak on behalf of non-verbal autistic people. You do not get to assume that you know exactly what they think, want and feel, especially not when you have never made any effort to communicate with any of them. Instead of assuming that you know what non-verbal autistic people think and feel, try listening to what they have to say by reading the words of some non-verbal autistic people such as @lysikan or Amy Sequenzia or Emma Zurcher-Long.

6. Applied Behavior Analysis, the most widespread and well-known therapy for autistic children, does more harm than good. The goal of ABA therapy is to train and force autistic people into hiding their autistic traits by all means possible as if passing for neurotypical should be the goal of all autistic people regardless of what consequences it might have for their general well-being and their mental health. If you don’t see why that is a problem, check out this masterpost by @neurowonderful.

7. People diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome are just as autistic as people diagnosed with other variants of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Aspergers is autism and to emphasize this, aspergers and other variants of autism have been united under a broader diagnosis called “autism spectrum disorder” in the DSM-5, Back when aspergers was a separate diagnosis, the only difference between whether you got diagnosed with aspergers or autism was whether you spoke before you were three years old – something which says approximately nothing about your struggles and abilities later in life. The common misconception that aspergers and autism is two different things is just that – a misconception.

8. If you want to learn more about autism, listen to autistic people – not our parents, our siblings, our therapists our or caregivers. Autistic people are the ones who know the most about being autistic, so if you want to learn about autism we’re the ones you should ask. If you want to learn more about the different aspects of autism, @neurowonderful‘s youtube series “Ask An Autistic” is a good place to start. Here is an index over all the episodes so that you can easily find the topic you want to learn about.

You can also visit @askanautistic where autistic people are ready to answer whatever questions you may have about autism.

Please reblog this post. It’s time tumblr starts listening to autistic people.

April is autism awareness month and this post is here to counter some of the many misconceptions people have about autism and what it means to be an ally to autistic people. This April, make an effort to listen to autistic people and to boost our voices – you can start by sharing this post with your followers.

Non-autistic people see autism as a great tragedy, and parents experience continuing disappointment and grief at all stages of the child’s and family’s life cycle. But this grief does not stem from the child’s autism in itself. It is grief over the loss of the normal child the parents had hoped and expected to have … There’s no normal child hidden behind the autism. Autism is a way of being. It is pervasive; it colors every experience, every sensation, perception, thought, emotion, and encounter, every aspect of existence. It is not possible to separate the autism from the person—and if it were possible, the person you’d have left would not be the same person you started with. This is important, so take a moment to consider it: Autism is a way of being. It is not possible to separate the person from the autism.

Jim Sinclair, quoted from the Wikipedia article on neurodiversity. (via taiganaut)

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

sharkphobia:

ok but i totally agree with that. i love seeing so much positivity for stimming now when before there was hardly any, but like…i hope a lot of ppl realize that stimming isn’t just “moving paint and poking slime and glitter” like. a lot of people, myself included, flap, rock, twist hair, chew, yell, make noises, stomp, jump – and u shouldn’t really….put one before the other. if you’re not autistic or don’t stim, u cant support what u think is cute and aestheticy and not support us autistic folk who stim more noticeably and louder u know?

All the above.

As a kid/teen my stimming was an embarrassment for my parents/family. Punishments were common. So many have gone through this. So many people stim, including non-autistic people. It’s not a fetish, it’s not an ‘aesthetic.’ Ignorant opinions on stimming are unnecessary. We don’t need them. No one needs anyone else’s approval to live and be themselves.

iamthestrangerinmoscow:

On November the first, Autistic Speaking day, I decided to write an actually rather long Q&A with things I and other autistic people get asked most often. If you’d like other people to know these things or just agree with me, feel free to reblog!

Q: Autistic person, or person with autism?
A: I prefer “autistic person”, because I don’t feel like autism is something separate from me, my brain and my identity. It’s not an ink splotch on a picture, it’s more like a color filter that covers the entire picture and changes the way it is. Autism is not what I have, it’s who I am. More than that, there is no reason to put the person first since nothing about autism negates being a real person. Which is why most people in the community also prefer “autistic person”.

Q: Is autism a mental illness?
A: No, it’s a developmental disorder. The main difference between those two things is that mental illnesses typically have a start and sometimes a finish – they can be caused by something, and they can be treated and sometimes even cured with therapy and/or medication. Autism doesn’t have a start because people are born autistic and they die autistic. And it can’t be cured or treated, only accommodated.

Another reason why we separate them is because in my opinion mental illnesses cause distress and suffering just by being present, while with autism the distress and suffering mostly come from lack of accommodations, bullying, abuse and neglect. Which is why we are now trying to move away from this classification and call autism a “neurotype” – not a malfunction, just a different type of nervous system.

Q: Is autism a disability?
A: Yes, in the social model of disability. Meaning that the neurotype itself isn’t disabling, but the society and the world is. Autistic people make up about 1-2% of the population, so the vast majority of people in the world are allistic (not autistic). So the world wasn’t built for us. However with enough accommodations, help, understanding and acceptance we can change the world, and then autistic people won’t be disabled anymore.

Q: Should we search for a cure for autism?
A: No, mostly because of scientific reasons. Research shows that autism is more likely to be an anatomical brain difference rather than a biochemical one, meaning that it can’t be fixed or altered after birth or a certain step in prenatal brain development. So the only “cure” we can develop is a prenatal screening test that will allow us to detect it and give parents an option to abort. I stand with the pro choice movement and the right to abortion, however I do thing that we can come up with a better use of money than stopping autistic people from being born in the first place.

And the second reason is that the majority of autistic people don’t want a cure! As I’ve said, autism is an integral part of our neurology and curing us would be akin to killing us and creating a brand new person. Autism comes with problems and challenges but it also has many traits that I love and wouldn’t want to lose. And even for people who do want a cure, a more manageable and realistic goal would be to invest in support and accommodation that would help them with their problems.

Q: What about therapies for autistic people?
A: Sure. There are several reasons why autistic people might require therapy. A lot of us have comorbid anxiety disorders, often due to mistreatment, bullying and abuse, so therapy for anxiety could help some of us. Sensory integration therapy might benefit autistic people by helping them better understand their sensory perception and learning how to deal with negative aspects of sensory processing disorder. Some autistic people choose to attend social skills classes although we have to understand that being a social butterfly isn’t a requirement to be respected and accepted, so no one should be forced to take them. And of course autistic people can have mental illnesses that they might want to get therapy for. However don’t view autism as something that needs to be cured and fixed. So autism isn’t something you need therapy for by default.

Q: What about ABA, applied behavioral analyses?
A: ABA is to autism is what conversion therapy is to being non-straight or non-cisgender. It doesn’t help the autistic person, it just forces them into seeming more neurotypical which on the surface looks like they got better. It is often abusive, it leaves children and adults with higher rates of mental illness including PTSD, and it comes from a basic premise that autistic people are not whole, real people with thoughts, feelings and consciousness. Read more of my thoughts on ABA here: http://iamthestrangerinmoscow.tumblr.com/post/152193710933/hey-i-liked-the-post-you-did-for-parents-of

Q: What kind of autism do you have?
A: Autism! It’s true that we used to have different diagnosis for autism, such as Asperger’s Syndrome, Kanner’s Syndrome, PDD-NOS, childhood autism, atypical autism and so on. However further research and investigation lead the psychiatric field to realize that this separation was unnecessary because the diagnostic criteria for these disorders weren’t different enough. For example the only thing that separated Asperger’s and Kanner’s in DSM-4 was the time of developing verbal speech which said nothing about persons needs and abilities later in life. As a result we now recognize that autism is a spectrum with vastly varying combinations of traits, needs, talents, abilities and problems, but of the same nature. So there’s just one diagnosis (in the DSM-5) – autism spectrum disorder.

Q: Are you high-functioning or low-functioning?
A: I’m a real person with a complex combination of abilities and needs that can’t be put into one of two rigid categories. Depending on how you describe me, I can be labeled as both. If you say that I’m an adult who can’t live on their own, can’t do most basic housework, can’t even speak on the phone, struggles with severe executive dysfunction and anxiety and needs daily assistance, then I sound “low-functioning”. If you say that I’m a student at a university studying their special interest, fully verbal and eloquent speaker, had no developmental delays, can pass as neurotypical most of the time and is considered smart, then I sound “high-functioning”. In reality I’m neither.

Functioning labels don’t really serve their purpose as a descriptor of needs and abilities, rather they simplify them and lead to more discrimination. High-functioning means your needs are neglected and your problems are denied. Low-functioning means your talents and abilities are ignored and you are denied respect and autonomy. Both are really detrimental to us, so most of us really dislike functioning labels. Some other descriptors that might work are “verbal/nonverbal”, “living independently/requires some level of assistance”, “has an intellectual disability/learning disability/a mental illness” and so on. You’ll have to speak about each person individually cause we are all very different.

Q: Should I support Autism Speaks and Light it up blue?
A: No, by all means no. Autism Speaks is a terrible organization that cares more about money than autistic people. They call is a tragedy, a burden, a disease, the reason for divorces, worse than cancer and AIDS combined, a fate worse than death and so on. They use autism as a fear-mongering tactic to earn more money that goes to staff salaries and advertising (with less than 5% going to autistic people and their families!). They support ABA and abusive fake treatments of autism. They refuse to listen to us and basically they speak for us and over us. Boycott Autism Speaks and Light It Up Blue. More info here: http://autisticadvocacy.tumblr.com/post/102634036950/so-why-is-autism-speaks-bad-im-confused

Q: Which autism organization I can support?
A: ASAN – autistic self-advocacy network, and the Autistic Women Network, are the two good organizations I know.

Q: Is the puzzle piece symbol a good symbol for autism?
A: Personally I dislike it because of the association with Autism Speaks. It can be interpreted as “autistic people are missing pieces” which I think is rather dehumanizing. I prefer the neurodiversity symbol, which is the infinity symbol in rainbow colors. If other autistic people wish to use the puzzle piece for themselves, I’m okay with that, but I don’t like it being pushed on others, especially by allistic people.

Q: Are you professionally diagnosed with autism?
A: I am, but no one needs a paper diagnosis to know they are autistic. You can figure it out with research and help from various resources. There are many reasons why someone wouldn’t be able to get a professional diagnosis. Money and accessibility are the biggest barrier, however systematic oppression also plays a role. Autism is under-diagnosed in girls/women and people of color, and many people are denied a diagnosis because they don’t fit the stereotype of an autistic person. Typically an autism specialist is required to give a paper diagnosis and they aren’t always available – and non-specialists make a lot of mistakes.

Also a paper diagnosis might put the person in risk, depending on where they live. In my home country, Russia, a professional psychiatric diagnosis on your official record will mean denial of education, employment, adoption and even a driver’s license, which is why my family had to pay for the diagnosis out of pocket in a private clinic. All these are reasons why I, as well as most good autism organizations, support well-informed autism self-diagnosis.

Q: Where can I learn more about autism?
A: From other autistic people! No-one can be a better expert in autism than an actually autistic person. If you need answers, ask us. Some good resources to start are: YouTube channel “Neurowonderful”, ASAN official site, musingsofanaspie.com , askanautistic.tumblr.com and other autistic people on tumblr. Don’t speak over us, listen to us and accept us.

Nothing about us without us.

Exceptional and thorough. Please read and pass on.

8 Things Autistic People Want You To Know

autisticliving:

autisticliving:

1. Autism is a fundamental part of who we are and how we experience the world and it cannot be separated from who we are as people. Autism is not something which is clearly separated from our identities and our personalities – it’s something which affects every aspect of how we think about, experience and interact with the world around us. Autism isn’t something we have or something we’re suffering from, it’s something we are. For the vast majority of autistic people, autism is a part of our identity which means that despite common belief most of us prefer to be called “autistic” as opposed to “people with autism.”

Do not tell us that we only have value if we can separate our identities and our personalities from autism.

2. The vast majority of autistic people do not want a cure, we want acceptance and accommodations. Do not put your time and money into researching how to cure autism and how to prevent it, put time and money into accommodating and accepting autistic people. We do not wish to become neurotypical, we wish to change society so that we can be accommodated, accepted and included as autistic people. Our goal isn’t to become as close to neurotypical as possible, it is to get the opportunity to live happy, fulfilling lives as autistic people. It is society that needs to chance, not us.

3. We do not support Autism Speaks or their campaign #LightItUpBlue and neither should you. If you want to support autistic people, check out ASAN or Autism Women’s Network instead. If you don’t know why autistic people don’t support Autism Speaks, check out the many resources linked in this post.

4. Functioning labels are at best inaccurate and at worst actively harmful.

Functioning labels (claiming that some autistic people are “high-functioning” while others are “low-functioning”) do more harm than good, not just because they aren’t able to give you an accurate impression of what supports an individual autistic person needs but because they’re mainly used to either silence or invalidate autistic people. Autistic people who speak up about the issues concerning them are labelled “high-functioning” to invalidate what they have to say as being inaccurate and irrelevant for other autistic people and so-called “low-functioning” autistic people are being silenced and spoken over because they are written off as too ‘low-functioning’ to have nuanced, relevant opinions or even communicate at all. Instead of forcing autistic people into one of two boxes, name the specific issues or strengths that you are referring to when you’re calling them low-functioning or high-functioning. Are they non-verbal? Say that instead of calling them low-functioning. Are they able to manage a job? Say that instead of calling them high-functioning.

5. Non-verbal autistic people can and do learn to communicate using other communication forms than verbal speech and they’re all individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, wants and opinions. You do not get to speak on behalf of non-verbal autistic people. You do not get to assume that you know exactly what they think, want and feel, especially not when you have never made any effort to communicate with any of them. Instead of assuming that you know what non-verbal autistic people think and feel, try listening to what they have to say by reading the words of some non-verbal autistic people such as @lysikan or Amy Sequenzia or Emma Zurcher-Long.

6. Applied Behavior Analysis, the most widespread and well-known therapy for autistic children, does more harm than good. The goal of ABA therapy is to train and force autistic people into hiding their autistic traits by all means possible as if passing for neurotypical should be the goal of all autistic people regardless of what consequences it might have for their general well-being and their mental health. If you don’t see why that is a problem, check out this masterpost by @neurowonderful.

7. People diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome are just as autistic as people diagnosed with other variants of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Aspergers is autism and to emphasize this, aspergers and other variants of autism have been united under a broader diagnosis called “autism spectrum disorder” in the DSM-5, Back when aspergers was a separate diagnosis, the only difference between whether you got diagnosed with aspergers or autism was whether you spoke before you were three years old – something which says approximately nothing about your struggles and abilities later in life. The common misconception that aspergers and autism is two different things is just that – a misconception.

8. If you want to learn more about autism, listen to autistic people – not our parents, our siblings, our therapists our or caregivers. Autistic people are the ones who know the most about being autistic, so if you want to learn about autism we’re the ones you should ask. If you want to learn more about the different aspects of autism, @neurowonderful‘s youtube series “Ask An Autistic” is a good place to start. Here is an index over all the episodes so that you can easily find the topic you want to learn about.

You can also visit @askanautistic where autistic people are ready to answer whatever questions you may have about autism.

Please reblog this post. It’s time tumblr starts listening to autistic people.

I’m asking you to reblog this because I want this to go vital. I don’t just want this to be passed around inside tumblrs autistic community where we already know about and agree with all of the above statements. I want this to end up on the dashes of people who don’t know anything about autism, who haven’t thought twice about autism and autistic people during their time on tumblr – and that can only happen if you help me out.

Great resources here. Important reading/viewing. Please pass this on.

High-Functioning is Not a Compliment — a Poetic Rant

thedreamer001:

You call me high-functioning because I can speak in words, and you say I’m articulate

But that doesn’t account for the times when the words get trapped inside of me, and speaking seems as hard as running a marathon.

You call her low-functioning because her voice is hard to understand

But she has just as much to say as I do; you just have to listen.

You call her low-functioning because you see her rock her body and flap her hands

But you don’t think about the joy this brings her, how satisfying it is to move to the beat of her mind.

You call me high-functioning because you don’t see me playing with my hands under the table

But you don’t know how much I want to rock and flap just like she does, how it makes me feel finally comfortable in my own skin.

You call me high-functioning be cause I can socialize

But you don’t see my constant internal prompting of what to say, the years it took me to get to this point, or the internal agony when I think I’ve made a mistake.

You call her low-functioning because she often repeats the same phrases over and over again

But you don’t see the meaning in these phrases, or the way she uses them to communicate.

You call me high-functioning because I can go to social events

But you don’t see the exhaustion that comes afterward, and the toll that takes over time.

You call her low-functioning because she melts down, yelling and banging her head on the ground

But you don’t see how hard she has been trying all day long to hold together.

You call me high-functioning because you don’t see me cry and scream

But that’s because I’ve internalized, and my meltdowns happen when the world becomes too fast and swirling and nothing makes sense any more.

You call her low-functioning because she loves to talk about one TV show, and hardly ever talks about anything else

But you don’t see how much joy this brings her, and how it has allowed her to connect and make friends.

You call me high-functioning because I can talk about things I’m not interested in

But you don’t see the pure joy of infodumping about my interests, and how painful it is to keep that all inside

You call her low-functioning because you knew right away that she was not the same

You call me high-function because you never would have known anything was different about my if I hadn’t told you

But maybe I’m tired of the sameness.

High-functioning is not a compliment

When all you’re doing

Is comparing me to her.