let us remember today that cis white women are not the only women.
Tag: respect
On being “too old” for fandom:
Imagine describing fandom to someone with no prior knowledge of it at all. What’s the need-to-know?
You’d tell them it consists largely of online communities who organize via blogging sites (and formerly message boards or mailing lists); fiction and art that’s often erotic in nature, and is sometimes commissioned or sold via self-promotional sites like etsy and society6; conventions that people travel internationally to attend; cosplay that takes so much skill to assemble that some people do it professionally; analysis of the source material backed by fans’ knowledge of subjects that range from medicine to weapons operation to feminist social theory to stage design.
I can imagine a lot of reactions, depending on the person, but I’m having trouble figuring out who could hear that and then conclude most of the participants are kids.
I will be moderating a panel on Fangirling Over 30 next month, and I was looking up this post so I could quote it at at the panel, and I just wanted to throw in, additionally, something that is implied above but not stated outright:
Who do the young’ins think are performing the executive functions of fandom? Who’s paying for a domain name and server space so they can host a fanfic archive? Who’s establishing and moderating message boards and mailing lists? Who’s throwing a ‘zine-assembling party at their house? Who’s forming an LLC and liaising with a hotel for the convention they’re organizing? Who’s doing the research on intellectual property to determine what constitutes fair use so that fan artists know what they can sell and where?
Hint: not kids.
The fandom playgrounds we’ve been frolicking in for 50 years did not materialize out of thin air. They were built by the people who are “too old to be in fandom.” Respect them.
I spent most of my early years in fandom (starting around age 27-ish) as one of the young’uns. At science fiction and fantasy conventions (as distinct from, say, comic book conventions or anime conventions) the average age is sliding upwards. I’m STILL pretty middle-of-the-road age-wise and I”ve been attending Orycon for about 18 years. My generation didn’t invent fandom, pretty much the boomers started “fandom as we know it”.
I’ve had people ask me why someone my age is on tumblr, and I’m sort of laughing because I wonder why someone their age is allowed on tumblr at all. I don’t let my kids loose on the internet until I have a reasonable sense that they’re old enough to handle themselves without asking people who write smut why they’re still in fandom.
In my family and larger circle, nerds aren’t made, they’re born. My five year old is a raging pokemon fan and has been for a couple years now. His favorite thing is a pokedex he’s still too young to read but has mostly memorized anyway. My middle child is not-very-verbal but is a huge Steven Universe fan. And my eldest has been in fandom since they were six. I started reading science fiction when I was seven years old, because my parents, who are in their mid-sixties, had so much of it lying around the house. We’ve taken three generations to SCA events (expensive), conventions (even more expensive) and I think when one of the later Harry Potter books came out we had to buy four copies because there was NO one in the house who was willing to wait for three other people to read. (all four of those copies now live in different households, lol.)
I will be in fandom long, long past my death. You won’t even be able to pry it out of my cold, dead hands. I’m halfway tempted to put AO3 in my friggin’ will.
At some point it is going to have to be acknowledged that it is not ‘fandom’ anymore, but something else, a ragtag society of creatives – writers, artists, actors, filmmakers, etc – who just happen to enjoy things other people make.
hello children
a lot of young teen lesbians on tumblr r aligning with the terf ideology without knowing properly what it stands for. so as an Older Lesbian with some 6 years of Being Out Experience i wanna clarify some things for you.
nobody is forcing you to be attracted to anyone
nobody is saying that if you aren’t attracted to [insert a trans woman name], you’re automatically transphobic and a terf. nobody is saying you have to have sex with trans girls if you aren’t attracted to them. just as nobody is saying you have to be attracted to every cis woman. and nobody is saying you have to have sex with gay girls you aren’t attracted to.
we are only asking you to respect trans women as women
and that’s really the least you could do! trans women (trans lesbians and wlw in particular) are just other girls out here trying to survive in this hetero world. and it’s hard being a lesbian already – but being a trans lesbian is so much harder. don’t make these girls feel even more alienated, don’t contribute to the hate that is turned against them.
“but i don’t wanna have sex with someone with a penis”
if you end up never sleeping with anyone w a penis, that’s okay. being a lesbian isn’t just about who you have sex with. it’s also about who you love, who you’re attracted to and who you date. and one day you might find yourself falling in love with a trans girl.
if that happens, just like in any relationship, you can negotiate your limits in sex. there’s no point in saying “i am not attracted to trans women” – because it makes it seem like trans women are inherently so much different from cis women, makes you sound like you think all trans women look/are the same and like you think of women as walking genitals. which is pretty misogynist!
so please just don’t listen to terfs. protect your trans sisters because they need it and they will always be there to support you if you support them too.
Dear NaySayers,
I don’t think people understand. Like when you’re queer you’re constantly surrounded by heteronormativity. From the moment you walk outside there’s a strict underlining that says men should be with women. You go to the store and find ads made to identify with women and men in strict gender roles for marketing’s sake. You see ads of only men with women. And if a man or woman deviates from these roles they are quickly ridiculed as if to remind you that as a “deviant” you are laughable. I mean you sit down and crack open a history book to find every president in history, including the current president, has at some point been willing to deny you basic human rights so long as they got elected at the end of it. You find that around the world there are people literally being mutilated and executed simply for being what society considers an abomination. You open a Bible and often see condemnation before you see deliverance for something you didn’t choose. And even if you realize the underlying message of love and acceptance in the Bible and can recognize/reconcile your faith then you will find large groups of people who try and invalidate your faith despite being sinners themselves.
So yes. When Lexa dies its not just the character I’m upset about. It’s the fact that for three minutes out of forty three minute episodes, Clarke and Lexa would find a quiet moment to smile. To feel. To make a suffocating world that much more breathable for me. And that was real. And Jason Rothenberg and everyone else failed to uphold that. They failed to see that killing her just moments after making love is the same as ridiculing Girl A because she doesnt buy Product X to impress Boy B. Or disregaurding the oppression of my community because it didn’t fit with an agenda. Or condeming someone for something they didn’t choose to eternal misery. It’s all related to the core principle that they chose their overwhelming irgnorance and willful misunderstanding over respecting me.
And I not only think they don’t understand. I think at some level, when they crawl into their heteronormative beds, unquestioningly enjoying their heteronormative routine, praying their heteronormative prayers, on some level they just don’t care. LGBT fans don’t just deserve better. We deserve respect.
Sincerely,
AvatarUncanon