unicyclehippo:
im honestly just like furious at the ideas that pervade media & everything that is so layered so im gonna fuck up talking abt it but it’s like this dumb violent cycle that produces maybe two kinds of coming out stories: 1, kid struggles w sexuality, feels shitty abt it, tries hard to be “”“normal”“”, some one is like babe ur valid & everything is healed, & 2, kid comes out & isn’t accepted for it & holds their head high & struggles through it. & like it’s so pervasive it doesn’t give kids a chance to like not be aWare of this shit. not be aware that as queer kids ur gonna have to grovel & beg at least once in ur life for someone to accept u & u know the fuck what??? it’s bullshit. it’s bullshit & i honestly feel like i’ve been punched every time my family says the most minor homophobic shit & then i feel BAD abt that bc im being “”“too sensitive”“” but like it’s not one comment it’s this sharp little reminder that the next time i come face to face w this person, they might know & they might despise me & it unsettles u in a very deep horrifying way bc ur self perception is doubled or cleaved in two bc u are one person who u know & u are one person they know & u have to be so careful all the time w what u project & what u say & it bleeds into our communities w near desperation like we make joking “touch starved” posts but i can’t rmbr the last time someone hugged me who knows that im queer & there’s a difference, there’s an ease abt being hugged by someone who Knows who u are.
& the first coming out story where someone not queer tells them that they’re valid & everything is healed Isn’t Real & u grow up thinking if i can get this one person to tell me im okay, if this person can tell me im valid & all that, then i will be okay & u latch onto all these outside influences to be okay, to be safe & u don’t get to develop that voice inside that is certain abt it. it always depends on an others view of u. & the second kind of coming out where the kid Struggles like congrats mate this cements the fear that gay life is a constant struggle. in a way i think is almost worse, it can sometimes stage this suffering as smth noble, as an “i’ll prove them wrong one day” kind of thing & i hate it i Hate it. ppl don’t have to struggle to be worthy of respect, of being treated well, this shouldn’t be the lesson we are taught!!
anyway that’s a rant it’s stupid it’s all been said before I’ll delete it later im just sad
With @tumblingsnail, please don’t delete. There is nothing stupid here, just honesty and this kind of insight is what often lacks in discussing these stories. We see these struggles play out online, with discussions about representation, and it is so frustrating and heartbreaking to see the misinformation and doubt and sneer of the crowd that doesn’t care to learn.
Thanks as always for sharing your thoughts with us.