Recently, on tloo (careful, spoilers):
Raven: I’m a genius because they pulled the plug while I asdfasdjfkl hey why isn’t Abby a genius, too? Do I remind anyone of The Doctor/Donna? Hey, can you believe this place has EVERYTHING? Look at this shiny rocket! I’m totally flying this thing. Damn, shame Lexa died, I guess I get to be what she could have been, if, you know, she’d lived and kept the AI and got to use it the way it could have been used, the Cyborg Grounder, but, hey, water under that bridge and all that, did someone hear a boom? I’m floating!
Abby: I’m not a genius, I’m just someone’s mother and that doesn’t count for anything around here, I can tell you.* Raven, you’ve had a stroke. Don’t tell Jackson I’m probably going to have one, too. Oh god, Clarke that is the worst case of acne I’ve ever seen. I’ve begged you to bathe regularly. Is this foreshadowing? Narrative, innit.
Jackson (my hc): Hey, how many levels are there to this place? Could we seal it up and use it as a shelter? Anybody? Anybody? This place has no dust. Oh, Genius Raven, if Nightblood can only bond in space, why does Nightblood exist on Earth? You just want to use that rocket, don’t you? Girl.
Illian: I hate technology. Technology made me kill my family. Skaikru has tech. I will destroy their tech. Then nobody has tech and nobody has to die ever again. Or whatever my logic is. I’m just angry, okay?
Kane: Think I saw this on Game of Thrones one time. Anybody ever watch that show? Oh, right, no tech. You guys would have loved it, really.
Clarke: C’mon, Roan, let’s walk really far away from our armies and go talk in this cave I’ve always known about instead of having a little chat over by this rock where people can see us and not get nervous and do anything stupid while we’re gone.
Roan: Yeah, I’m okay with only 50 of my people surviving in a tin can with 50 other people they don’t know or like very much. That sounds like good odds for survival for the human race. Sure. On second thought…how far down does this cave go? Hey, Clarke, remember how I told you once my mother wasn’t so bad, then I tried to convince you to kill Lexa, then I tried to help you kill my mother, then Lexa made me king and then I owed her a favour and saved you that one time after she died and now I’m being all Lexa was Awesome and you didn’t understand her and does my character make any sense?
Niylah: Yeah, I’m still alive and helping Skaikru even though they murdered my father and my people and Clarke kind of fucked me and ran. I’ll be here next episode, too, so Clarke can fuck me and then I’ll go back to drying meat I guess, idk.
Octavia: Hey, Illian’s going to try to destroy the Ark. MAYBE WE SHOULD WARN EVERYONE TO HELP FIND HIM BEFORE HE DOES ANYTHING BAD. Or, wait, Niylah could just help me fumble around these strangely empty corridors until we stumble upon him, idk. I don’t feel too good. Fell off a cliff. It was pretty rad.
BeIIamy: I still feel really bad about all those people I killed. Don’t be like me, Riley. Hey, do you think Echo likes me?
Riley: But, Belinda, I’m supposed to be your mirror, man, That is my narrative function, dude. You couldn’t have this ‘redemption’ scene without me. Or this little side trip into the woods. PS: aren’t you impressed we knew right where Clarke led Roan?
Echo: I want to be a badass, but I’m kind of not. You think someone loyal to Nia would be kind of like Ontari or something, but no, Azgeda is pretty chill. I mean, we’re Ice Nation. We’re chill, get it? Ice nation = chill? No? Forget it. Do you think Belinda likes me?
Monty: I know my words say otherwise, but read my face: we’re all gonna die.
*Ark goes boom – and Raven was nowhere near it*
Clarke: Okay, everyone, looks like we’re sleeping at my dead girlfriend’s place. I think I left a picture of her back there that I need to pine over. Niylah – you coming?
Niylah: After you, Wanheda.
Thank you Deej, for that awkward Skype session. You made my morning. Go to bed now.